Saturday, March 14

Business Coach is Really QueenMother

You all know me as Lady T, The Business Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs, but at home I have a more challenging role. I am the QueenMother, Holy Nuturer of The Children, Multi-Tasker Extraordinaire, Wiper of noses, tushies and the walls!

Nuggets of wisdom part my lips, milk springs forth from my breasts (well...before my mastectomy), love and discipline radiates from my hands (yes, discipline! I said it!). Love and strength emmanates from my being. I am Expeller of generational curses and Propeller of the next generation.

Having proclaimed all of that, why can't I get my 3yr old to stop crying!

My 4th born son is the sweetest, easiest, gentle-est child of them all! UNTIL...he gets sleepy and wants something. Then he starts crying and you CAN NOT shut him up. You can't distract him. You can't tickle him. You can't hold him. You can't threaten him. You can't kiss him. You can't make him laugh. You can't give him what he wants. You can't take away what he doesn't. There is absolutely NOTHING (yet discovered) that can be done with him. We have all tried and he gives us the opportunity to try again often enough.

It's very irratating (but also pretty funny) because he keeps his mouth open the ENTIRE 30-60 minutes that he's crying. The long string of clear drool is hanging from his bottom lip and snot is sliding from his nose down into his mouth. Whatever started the upset is continuously repeated throughout the 30-60min. "I dont wanna dake off my shoes!" or "I wanna toe to MicDon-olds!" or "I want..." whatever the 5yr has. And it goes on and on and on.

Back in the day, the child would have been spanked (whupped) and told to shut up. And the child would shut up.

But we, the New Age, New Millennium, New Aquarius, Newly Evolved and Enlightened mothers, can't do that. We have to try to reason with a small human that doesn't understand reasoning nor common sense, for that matter. How do you reason with a crying, snotting, drooling, shorty who wants to take his shoes off in the dang-gone snow?

Now, I believe in allowing the lovely children the opportunity to make new discoveries-whatever the consequences may be. If they fall and hurt themselves, they would have learned The Lesson. If they bump their chins and bite their tongues, they would have learned The Lesson. If they freeze their little toesies off, they would have learned The Lesson. And The Lesson in my house is:
"Listen to QueenMother! QueenMother is a highly insightful prophet. She can see into the future. When she says, 'no', 'stop', 'that's not a smart thing to do', you should consider her wise sayings. Or, in the name of common sense, just remember the past bumps, bruises, bitten tongues, broken toys, windows, and legs."

But reasoning and learning lessons are outside of the conscious awareness of a crying 3yr old. This leaves the Rational, New Millennium, All-Wise QueenMother a small, frustrated, bewildered mommy. Once I even resorted to the Old-School method of spanking him (at the advice of my mother) but that didn't work! He cried more intensely and I brokeout into tears. How confusing is that? What kind of Queen am I?

Dethroned, where I often sit! As I sit nursing his wounds I lovingly repeat The Lesson. But of course he can't hear it. He's still crying!


  1. Awwww, have you tried videotaping his behavior and letting him watch himself bawl on the computer? Not that he will become convinced to stop, but I would love to see his expression as he watches himself boo-hooing! hehehe

  2. awww Nanny 911! lol no just kidding. I too try hard to play the Queen Mother but there are times when no one listens and I sit dethroned wondering what in the world can I do to get back on the throne and rule again. Funny how a child can have us confused. The crying, I was kind of like that growing up. -Kind of- lol I refuse to fully admit to being a brat. ;) The good news is, he will grow out of it. We pray our kids aren't the next CEO, President, etc with the mouth open crying snot dripping episodes lol! No but he will and he is highly blessed to have you loving him through it. He may not be able to hear it but he can feel it :).